“A Thin Line Between Love and Hate”

The line separating love from hatred is very thin, and feeling hurt can easily push us over.

May be you’ve hit a rough spot in a relationship of your son and father and you’re teetering on the edge of losing your relationship without your knowledge. Perhaps your child fails to understand you and he  ended and you feel  disappointed and angry.

There are plenty of other scenarios and reasons where father and son at a point of age fails to understand each other but these are common when your child enters into his teens. Maybe we’re never so aware of what the child still wants.  After giving lot of attention to make him happy? Maybe it’s only now, as the days are almost done and due to busy schedule father never gets actual time to spend with his son, that the forces of darkness push children from love to hate.

Firstly, not all children start to "hate" their  father. The vast majority do not actually hate their father. However, many children go through a stage of rebellion and turmoil. This most often seems to happen during adolescence. 

As children gradually grow into adulthood there is a turbulent transitional stage. For quite a few years they have one foot in childhood and the other in adulthood. They are dependent on their father for just about everything, but they yearn for the privileges of adulthood. They demand independence and autonomy and then a few minutes later demand a ride to the mall.  And some  time, new jeans. It has been noted for a long time that adolescents tend to go through a period of emotional turmoil. It begins around 12 or 13 and could stretch into the early 20s.

In rapidly changing societies, children are exposed to styles, fads, music, culture, technologies, values, beliefs and ways of life that can differ dramatically from those of their parents specially father. As children and youngsters, they view their father as the center of their moral universe, but then as they grow and are exposed to many other perspectives, they question on the ' world shown till now with restrictions. They are in the midst of forming their own identities as unique individuals and to do this they must differentiate their own beliefs from their father. They want to be away from their father’s order  and their family. Almost feels like in cloud 9.

They are suddenly being bathed in a hormone surge that alters their body, changes their brain and plays with their emotions. They are constantly oscillating between contradictory emotions and tendencies. They'll be energetic, flippant, loving and exalted one moment and then become gloomy, indifferent, lethargic,  melancholy and angry the next. They'll be arrogant, egotistical and conceited and in a few blinks become bashful and self-loathing. Hormones play a big role  in these maniac-like mood swings of your offspring. Here as a father needs to take initiative to understand his son’s situation, as years long back  he also crossed this stage with same situation. 

 Remember there are lots of problem  associated with crossing the line of this teenager . Without love, whatever may be the reason to  hurt feelings is likely to drive  force and  can result into,  even more unpleasant events  . The landscape of hatred is petty, selfish and entitled. Its features easily mislead to child. 

So, what  you need to  do, when your significant child does something that makes you want to hate him?  Hold yourself with integrity so the blast of hatred doesn’t level you and you don’t embrace the temptation of retaliation of Father and son? It takes gentleness and firmness, and a deep-rooted confidence in morality to tackle the situation .

Seeking to painful harm on your child will never, ever be justifiable as a goal. I’m not advocating passivity. Not at all. You have to stand up against bad behavior, at all levels. You have to speak out against ugliness, hatred, intolerance, and vicious personal attacks, and You have to do so in a way that normalizes a culture in which such behaviors are not deriving from standard with patience.

It is not right, to be angry with the child whom you loved so much and only because of not accepting your thoughts and give counter arguments , which attacks you mentally,  perceives and verbally spreads lies about you by saying that my father is very cruel  and he is not understanding this new generation. It is always unpleasant  to see this type of behavior and thoughts in your child. But don’t ever  be reactive on the spot ,you have to get help how you make your child to understand  his growing age, situations and emotions which is fluctuating every now and then  .Take reasonable steps to protect the  self respect of yours as well as of your son.

So, as a father if you are coping with a young son who is afflicted with adolescence, As a father --love them, support them and provide reasonable limits--and you might possibly all get through the storm alive and intact. Know that your child's moodiness is not true hate. If you're doing your job, your child has a deep attachment and part of the push you feel is their way of temporarily rejecting you as they come to define themselves.

 Apply mindfulness so you know what’s happening as its happening. Witness your feelings as you experience them, and observe whether they seem to push you across that line, to a place you never ever wanted to go? If so, redirect that energy to nourish your goodness.

This world is full of loss, and pain, and every imaginable form of suffering. The line between love and hate is thin, and I don’t know a single person who doesn’t know this firsthand. None of us needs to cross over, even though pain seems to drive us toward hatred. The desire to hurt others only makes us suffer more. Don’t follow it. Do bring light to the darkness.